Surface : Canvas
Dimensions : 40×50cm
Colours : Acrylic
Surface : Canvas
Dimensions : 40×50cm
Colours : Acrylic
Talking about my four years old angel, my daughter Nandini. 2015, June, she came into our lives and since then it’s been a fantastic journey with her.
Four years of age but she is independent, smart and confident. Being a mother I shouldn’t praise too much about my own child because Nazar Lag Jaati Hai (cause jinx). Its too much fun with her around. Few shades and incidents of her I would love to share :
She is an independent girl in the making: Me “Nandini let me hold your hand while we are walking to school“. Nandu (we fondly call her): No thanks. And that’s a subtle way of saying Mom mind your own business 😁. She chooses what she would wear everyday (of course I enforce a lot 😉 to convey who’s the boss 😎), from brushing her teeth to wearing her jacket she learnt…
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Originally posted on Candles Online:
Time – an omnipresent factor that runs our entire life. Birth is recorded so is death in measuring units called hours, minutes and seconds which is basically Time. Past, present and future all have yardstick of years, months and days, it’s nothing but Time. We have bad times and good times, registered as moments and memories but Time nonetheless. Time never stops and ceases. If every matter is made up of cells then every matter is run by Time. Anyone from 1980’s era in India and who have seen Mahabharat on national television would understand and relate to “Main Samay Hoon” (I am The Time) pretty much summarising what I said 😁.
There’s a saying “Time once spent can’t be earned back unlike money” and it’s a fact to the core. We all have moments in our lives, where we dwell on our past and constantly wish how different the course of events could have been. A different action, a different desicion, a timely intervention, sometimes a delay perhaps could have chalked out an entire different picture to be enjoyed or cherished now.
Certain incidents/ desicions I regret the most in my life : I could have chosen computer science over commerce and that would have helped me fetch a job here in this foreign land, something I dearly yearn for. I could have done a certified professional course that could have added some volume to my dull CV. I could have had a bit prolonged career before I my wedding.
More or less I have more regrets concerning my professional decisions for I am unemployed for a decade now, something I have mentioned time and again in my write ups. Pondering over and over on those moments over a period of time now (see Time, I told you 😁) haven’t brought me any solace but some sense to say the least. Wondering how?
When I am lost in my search for answers in my past, my idleness in present questions me “you can’t anyways undo your past, what is your stand in present to make you stand in future? Why you are unearthing melancholy when your smiles and peace lie in discovery and exploration. When you have ideas, share them. When you have plans put them into action and see the drama unfold.”
Sounds too preachy right? But this is a reality I am living in. My tussle with time is on a different level. Every morning while busy in chores I think about my past, when done with morning routines my urge to relax myself overpowers my will to write blogs (in this context I thank Candles Online to give me impetus strong enough to write at least once a week 😁), paint or at least finish cleaning up of house (😁 but don’t jump to the conclusion that we love in shabby and unhygienic conditions, its just that it might not be presentable round the clock) to an extent that I end up procrastinating things on more than one occasion and by the evening I participate in a race against time to finish off pending chores before hitting the bed and on bed I toss planning to start a fresh day with renewed determination to make my own identity and announce it to the world and my family and again I loiter in the past (recent one though 🤣🤣) thinking I shouldn’t have wasted My Precious Time for once it’s gone it’s gone forever. It’s a cycle you see!
And it’s much vicious than that of poverty and complicated than that of a life cycle. Once you are a “procrastinator” then you certainly need a greater push to get out of that habit. Not yearly resolutions but we need a daily resolution to keep our “regret” mode at bay. And trust me my run is so on! 😁.
My Personal Realization: How I acted in past have strong reasons underlining them and thus they were apt then. My constant rant now can only earn me some sympathy sometimes but not useful anyways 😊. And I am not taking any or requisite amount of steps as an amendment, does it make sense?
So how often do you Procrastinate and regret? If you are like me, then join the club not to boast but to fight our bad habit and put our Time to a better use other than for dwelling and digging past for if its bitter it won’t be better now either.
Thumb Rule For Procrastination: You lose your right to complain if you don’t act on time or at all.
Remember this and march forward for past is so over, let it rest in peace 😁.
Original Draft/ Attempt:
Surface: Canvas (50×50cm)
Theme: Diva On Stage/ Ramp
Originally posted on Candles Online
May not be the chime in rain drops,
But you might be the rainbow hidden in the water prisms,
just waiting for the beams to shine upon.
May not be the fragrance of freshly sprinkled earth,
But you might be the pot hidden in those particles,
just waiting for the hands to carve you.
May not be the breeze on a moonlit night,
But you might be the power of wind shattering the barriers,
just need the right direction for your flow.
May not be the apparent shine of gold,
But you might be the strength and value of a diamond,
just need fingers to polish and brush away the dust on you.
May not be everyone’s dream,
But you might be the music in someone’s life,
just need to usher the tunes of smile.
May not be everything you wanted to be,
But you might be something,
better and destined to be for you can never be “Nothing“.
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON CANDLES ONLINE AS A PART OF SEVEN SENTENCES STORY CHALLENGE
She had a monotonous life, which she always cursed standing at the bus stop from where she used to board a bus to hell – her office, her 4×4 cubicle which had a lot of commotion sans any emotion.
But that day had a surprise for her, her eyes met another pair of eyes, looking fondly at her from a distance, eyes smiled instantly and lips couldn’t remain unaffected.
And these smiles, glances, gentle gestures soon became a routine for her but she enjoyed this monotony and attention that never greeted her before and now she doesn’t want it to elude her.
Her looks and attire which she never cared for, now mattered to her and she put efforts to impress those eyes now, she was herself amused at this development.
And finally they inched a bit closer, from lovely glances to soft conversations the distance between them narrowed, all smiles, she could hear violins, too cinematic by her own confession but she couldn’t help herself from getting drawn towards him.
And one day finally he said “you got the most beautiful smile, your eyes speak volumes, I have been waiting to say this to you and I have a question for you – would you mind joining our gym, you just need to lose few pounds, you will look great, we are having a discount period running, what say?”.
This left her stumped, she was in doubt now, “shall I marvel at his promotion genius or shall I fume at him that he indirectly called me fat or shall I nurse my shattered dream or SHALL I JOIN THE GYM?”
Originally posted on Candles Online
Image Credit: Google Inc.
Year 2016, I failed my first ever examination. And by examination I mean literally examination where candidates sit in a room and test their knowledge about a particular subject. (My conscience is knocking me at this moment “Are you sure FIRST TIME? What about the one or two competitive exams you appeared for 🤔?” Pat comes my answer when the results are unknown I can easily state conspiracy theories😎). But in this situation results were out instantly and I flanked. What an embarrassment! My head hung in shame and searching for excuses or you can solace in answers like “you are not alone, relax! Out of 20 people present there only one or two cleared the test. And there was one candidate who got it all wrong. And you were just 2 points away from the passing mark” and many points in the same league just to console my hurt heart which was crying deep inside “Ab kaise muh dikhaaoge gharwaalo ko” (how would you face your family now?).
Why I was ashamed? Is it because I had to shell out more money (I forgot to tell that it was a driving theory test) I preferred to give my test in English? Is it because my husband had to skip many lunches at home as I was preparing hard for this 🙈? Probably because I was taking myself too seriously, trying too hard to keep up my image of a “topper”. My failure in that exam was a result of my fear, pressure to prove myself, in short my insecurity (My good friend Rajnandini mentioned in her article “No Insecurity when God is your Security“. Result could have been different if I would have concentrated a little bit more on logic of driving lessons, just saying.
Coming to the current year, 2019. I finally cleared my driving theory test with an excellent score. And comes the next stage, I am finally at the steering wheel. Thought practical will be easy but it’s been 16 hours, 4 hours per week but I am still at gear 2 and my instructor continuing his high pitched shrilled voice “Kalpana – what about maintaining your right? Look how close we are to the edge; look how far we are from the edge; Why is your car trembling? You can’t change the gear without handling clutch” and he continues. At the end of every session he repeats himself “don’t drive with hesitations, pressure and fear. Driving isn’t that difficult.”
And a deep introspection of his words again puts me in the dock asking myself “why do you fear so much? Why do you want to prove yourself ? Why not relax and let it sink?” Answer is probably I am still in control of my insecurities instead of my car 😁 – I don’t want to look and sound dumb. I have the pressure of learning how to drive for my kids but the pressure of proving myself is greater than anything else.
All said and done I don’t have any inhibitions to accept that yes I am an insecure person. My insecurities stem from the fact that I want to guard my image, I fear people’s perception about me. To put it simply – I don’t want to look dumb. I am sure there are many more people with me on the same page, sailing the same boat. We take up things to prove ourselves, we hesitate to clarify our doubts because we fear mockery, we hesitate to say NO because we don’t want to come across as rude, in short we are too indulged in ourselves or take ourselves too seriously.
It’s time to break shackles of our insecurities and to breathe free. Reason – our “image” is not of tad importance to anyone. It isn’t a picture of Mona Lisa decorating the Louvre Museum, distortion of which would make a huge difference to anyone. what say? Do share your experiences and start breaking and breathing free because every iota of world’s creation and creature have it’s own importance. Just bask and soak yourself in that glory. Meanwhile I will try the same 😁.
A green lush scenery with a girl.
Colours used: Acrylic