This is my second article with the Concept of “Marriage” taking the centre stage. In my previous write-up “Marriage Never An Achievement”( https://world4womencom.wordpress.com/2017/02/22/marriage-never-an-achievement/) I upheld an opinion that marriage shall never be deemed as an achievement irrespective of gender. I still propagate the same idea. Marriage of a person shall be solely his or her choice and call and not a forced decision of the social circle which we call “Society”.
But once you have taken the plunge it is your responsibility to make this relationship a successful one, I mean “A Happy Marriage”. And when I am saying “Your” it refers to both the parties – wife & husband – the respective “You”s. So how to make it work?
As I was struggling to get an idea about what shall I write I came across a regional (Telugu – Indian language) movie about an old couple – Midhunam which means the relationship of a couple. Beautiful isn’t it? Do watch it.
Few minutes into the movie you would know it’s not a fantasy tossed up randomly in the writer’s mind but something that has been brewing and dwelling in front of our eyes over the years – our parents, grandparents, uncles & aunts and every married couple who is in head over heels in love for lifetime.
How does the word “Love”make sense to such couples whom we have seen fighting over the years for petty issues? Good question. I would like to ask you, How do you define love? Is it about the Valentine day celebrations, roses, expensive gifts, holidaying in posh locales and all the gloss that we have been fed over the years in our movies? Certainly not. And we know it well. At first place the word “Love” can not be defined precisely. But still if it is to be explained by a set of words, I would say : A feeling in human heart that makes it accept flaws with equal ease / benevolence just as with good qualities. And this is the only thing that makes a marriage work. Love is caring for the person despite of the fact that you had a fight with the same person last night. It’s pretty simple, isn’t it?
What exactly my point is:
- Winning never matter always: Arguments and Marriage are like sea-shore and sand – inseparable, period. Doesn’t matter if you knew your partner years before the D-Day or married to a complete stranger, arguments do creep in because two different personalities two different opinions and it could be as simple thing as the brand of a toothpaste. But arguments shall be made only to put a point across and not necessarily to win because such volley of words aiming to win over the other might result into irreversible damages. Words are pretty powerful, we all know it. Discussions (controlled arguments) are always welcome as they would ensure you are heard and it is what that really matters.
- Respect is the key: No love (read romance) is still okay (I don’t support it wholeheartedly though) But no respect is harmful to the relationship of marriage. It is the respect shown by your partner that builds up your confidence. Respect the care they show, appreciate the efforts they put in to see you happy, encourage them to do something they are interested in to see them happy. These are petty steps that could make journey called marriage reach the destination of “Happy Married Life”.
- Accept the flaws: No human is perfect – we know it well. But why we fail to recollect the same while judging the other person (read our better half). Why be judgemental at the first place? When you are angry at your partner and think “that’s it, let’s call it quits” first thing you need to do is check yourself and ask “Why? Is it lack of love or presence of flaws? First reason still makes a sense but if you opt for the latter then the questionnaire is going to be long. If yours is true / pure love then you will be matured enough to look beyond those flaws in personality (not in character). And then question yourself “Am I flawless?” This would surely give you enough reasons to be together.
- No secrets: This one is the most important ingredient for any healthy and happy relationship, it could be marriage too. When I say “secrets” it’s not about the petty amount that wife have been saving secretly or a cigarette that was lit in the back yard without wife’s knowledge. It’s about respective past and present involving them and others (be it friends or family). Nothing should be password guarded between a wife and a husband, period!
- Don’t test the elasticity of relationship: Never ever stretch and blow an issue out of proportion. Well what’s the right proportion is subjective. We will try to evade that for now. If you are upset with your partner he or she shall be the first person to know it. Letting ego creep in, involving others (family / friends) in personal issues and let them drive your decisions could probably do an irrevocable damage to the relationship. Speak out if you have it in your mind, resting it for the time being will add up to the future tension. Emptying and erasing is important.
I am married for seven years now and want to grow old with my partner. Mutual respect and understanding is the key, fights are an integral part of institution called marriage, sleeping over fights could be dangerous and ego is surely destructive – this is my lesson. What’s yours?