Looking Back With A Content Heart

woman doing hand heart sign
Photo by Hassan OUAJBIR on Pexels.com
  • Did I manage to check every item on my bucket list in the current year ? NO.
  • Will I able to do it in the coming days before I bid adieu to this year? No

Then what is the content about? I am alive and kicking, isn’t it something to be happy about? I am healthy and managed to survive this year without any major health issues, isn’t this something to be happy about in the times where every puff of air we breathe is capable of putting us in direct line of fire of dreadful diseases? My family, my near and dear ones are with me when relationships are volatile and vulnerable, isn’t this something I should be happy about? I have a roof over my head and heart free of fear, is there any happiness greater than this?

No, this is no spiritual discourse but the hard truth of life that I am trying to absorb as much as I can.

Coming to what I have done and what I got in 2019, few are tangible successes whereas few others are intangible emotions. How about a sneak peek, come with me 😊:

  • Beginning was superb: January 2019 gave me the requisite impetus to march towards my long pending goal of learning how to drive. I cleared my driving theory test (on second attempt though 🙈).  That really charged me well to take on the next challenge of setting my hands on the steering for the first time in 34 years of my life. That was something!!! (Now I am eligible for provisional driving licence, a step closer to claim my independence 😁).
  • Many first times: I mentioned it many times in my articles that my son is a non verbal autistic child. Every word he says is an ecstasy for us for obvious reasons. Every addition in his vocabulary is a mirror to his development and evolution. And when he said “Amma” (mother), “Nanna” (father) for the first time in eight years of his birth it was an altogether a different whirlpool of emotions for me. For any child Ma, Pa are the first words/ sounds but my ears yearned all these years for that call.  It’s not that those words give approval to the bond we share with our son but definitely they satisfy our  senses. It was during our flight to India. He was seated with his father separately. He was really worried as to where his mother and sister has gone and was constantly nagging the crew asking about me by only mentioning  “Amma, Amma”.  When the crew asked me I was clueless if it’s my son or not.  And when my doubts dispelled I was happy beyond my words could express.  Tears that I hid from co passengers can only explain which  I fail to do it here.
  • Amazing surprise: When our stay in India was drawing to a close I got a sweet surprise.  My brother in law broke the news that they will be soon our neighbours (Brussels and Amsterdam  are just 2 and half hours away) as they used to be four years back.  That’s pure happiness.  Nothing beats the fun and happiness of having family around especially when you are in far away lands.  They have been with us in our thick and thins and my co-sister is an amazing fun loving person to be around.  Looking forward for 2020 winter shopping gal! (She would know if she is reading this 😁)
  • Very important lesson learnt: Throughout my life I heard people saying “Karma catch you sooner or later” (can’t use the phrase millennials use 😁) but this year gave me first hand experience of that. In my growing up years I was upset (an understatement) with my father that he signed up as a guarantor for someone and we faced extreme crunch situations at home because of his action.  My reaction for that particular act of him was very sour.   I  always cautioned my brother, my husband, my close ones against being a guarantor to anyone.  I maintained “if you can help do it but don’t pledge it with a signature”. But karma caught me as I signed a subscription contract of telecom services of another brand other than what we are using now unmindfully (for the first and last time) only to realise few days later that my previous service provider severed my connection and I am left with no contact number. This is after I called the correspondent the next day and declined the offer. But who cares when the signature is there 😔. I got the taste of my own medicine. That reminded me of my folly then. I was harsh instead of understanding his position. Few moments are beyond your intelligence, pragmatism, logic and reasoning, simple. Perhaps I learnt two lessons: what goes around comes back and your signature might not be an autograph but definitely can buy you dire consequences if used without giving a thought. Fortunately no serious damage done this time.
  • I grew: Understanding people, keeping few close ones, confiding heart to them, drawing inspirations from every possible person, accepting mistakes, making new ones and learning from them, able to motivate myself, picking up from shattered pieces and commencing a new stride again and most importantly being happy – this is what I learnt during this year. And my journey is still on for the next year too. Schedule for the journey will be released next year 😁😉.

To be honest I don’t have much to write about but I started believing that life is better lived every moment than to strive hard to create moments. And I lived 2019 with content for I have life and I am growing up every moment.

11 thoughts on “Looking Back With A Content Heart

  1. Wonderfully written Kalpana.. You are doing amazing job buddy.. God bless u and I am sure you must have learned, laughed and enjoyed the year 2019.. God bless u with good health, happiness, joy in the coming year 2020..😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful My Dear Friend, see you write your heart out and paying gratitude for everything that went round d year.
    Keep Posting and have a more Amazing time ahead.
    Best Wishes!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We have a non-verbal autistic great-grandson (also 8 years old) so I fully understand how momentous it is to hear those few precious words. I look forward to reading more about your son and his progress. Is he in school? Mason, our great-grandson, attends a regular school but is in special classes. He’s more or less potty-trained, but I think his mother still has diapers under his school-clothes. Before starting public school at age 6, he was in a special educational program from age 3 to 6. He did learn to use some sign language, so he has the ability to communicate somewhat. For a while, he seemed to be making great strides, but in recent months he seems to have regressed a lot — no eye contact, no speech at all, becoming withdrawn again, glued to videos on his mom’s smartphone. I think some of it is a reaction to having a new little sister (Abigail just turned one a few months ago). Now that Abbi is more active — walking and talking — I wonder it it’s having an effect on Mason. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, so sorry for the late reply. Really got stuck with few things. My son goes to a special school after the regular school denied him place after his diagnosis and I don’t blame them because my son requires individual attention which is highly impossible in classes with huge number of kids. It’s been nearly 4 years now he is going to the current school. He has attained autonomy in small day to day activities like going to toilet, preparing himself a simple toast and so on. And many more things he is learning and doing with little help. He is now understanding more verbal language and gradually adding to his vocabulary but still uses one word at a time to communicate along with his picture communication which has to be imposed on him at home since he knows that Mom understands his language 😁. With his 4 years old sister around he seems indifferent but once in a blue moon plays with her. He loves to tease her like any other brother does 😁. He knows she is also family. But for past few months he has turned very aggressive. Doctors told may be the stimulants around him in the environment are too much for him to handle. We have therefore recently started with medication to calm down his anxiety and aggression. It is working for a major part of the day since the dosage is very minute. Soon we are looking to start exterior intervention for him for behavioural aspects especially to make him accept NO without getting aggressive because medicine can’t be for life long considering the possible side effects.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know it’s certainly not easy to deal with all the concerns. There is so much our grand-daughter goes through that “ordinary” families just don’t think about. The medications and side effects can be scary. Apparently Mason has been on a new medication and his mom says that as it wears off he becomes aggressive. It’s been so sad to see him regressing recently. I guess that’s part of the process though — making great strides forward at times and then seeming to go backward again. Last summer he was even saying colors, and now he’ll only say a word or two, and then only if his mother insists. His school was furnishing him with some sort of electronic communication device — sorry, but I can’t think what it was called — but I don’t think he ever was able to use it effectively. Having a good school and a stable routine can be very valuable. I think there are 6 special education students in Mason’s class — at various levels. He did great in the special pre-school and seemed to do great his first year in the current program. This year is just doesn’t seem to be helping him. 😦

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      2. I agree situation is very much demanding and draining especially for parents along with the child. The first effect is that we are socially cut, well almost. And in such situations when we see kids marching back it is really heartbreaking but as you said that could be a part of the process. Routines are very important to see a change. These kids understand routines much better. At this moment I am really worried about my son’s academics as he is eight and can’t read or write for obvious reasons. All we can do as parents is to keep working with hopes alive and fingers crossed.

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