Are You Suffering From “I am Sorry” Syndrome?

Originally posted on Candles online

I invited a family to dinner at our place. The lady of the family brought home made cake for dessert.  But I forgot to serve the same and ended up serving a readymade sweet. And when they left I realised (actually was made to realise 😁) what a blunder I had committed. I should have served the cake too, its courtesy and etiquette. And then I was on my guilt trip. I texted her to seek forgiveness. Though she said she didn’t mind it at all, asked me to relax and chill, it’s been a long time now since we spoke to each other 😁 (she is busy with her examinations). What I did at the dinner was completely unintentional; being forgetful was my weakness rather than my mistake. But I pleaded.

And this isn’t the first time when I said ‘Sorry’ for something so trivial. I talk to my friends, relatives and out of no where after I finish my conversations I have a demon visiting me “Guilt” that makes me think, rethink – “did I utter something wrong to offend the person?”, “let’s say sorry before it’s too late” and I don’t relent from saying sorry. In fact I say ‘Sorry’ way too much.  I fear grudges and misunderstandings, hence I say sorry. So much so that I could possibly paint myself as nervous, weak or simply stupid.  If you have to choose a nickname for me “The Sorry Girl” would do just fine🤣🤣.

Too much of guilt or say “false” guilt for every non existing/ illogical/ trivial issue could be as dangerous as self medicating after surfing on Google for few apparent symptoms and assuming that you are suffering from a dreadful illness. Doctors are there for a reason, right? Don’t assume, for it could lead to side effects more effectively than yielding positive results. “Feeling Sorry” syndrome as I call it is something same as self medicating.  When you assume things and go on a guilt trip more often than not, you self deplete yourself. Extreme self consciousness so as to not to hurt anyone makes you go into a shell which equals to lower self esteem and confidence.  I have myself experienced the dilemma very often “shall I ask? Shall I say? Shall I tell?”.  Because I don’t want anyone to feel bad and me either as a consequence to my actions and words.  And this is where I hesitate to say NO (my false guilt of hurting someone being my constant companion).  But now I am slowly realising it isn’t worth it, at least not every situation requires irrelevant deep introspection that shows me as a insensitive human, oblivious to others feelings.

I am not against minding words and actions in advance for it reflects an educated mind. And to be conscious about how others may feel reflects your sensible side. But the question is how much is enough and what is unwanted.  Feelings like Regret, Guilt are as precious as Love and Care to be squandered away on unimportant things.  For instance: You got stuck in traffic irrespective of starting really early so you say sorry and move on. This is how it should be. But if you start analysing what the other person might think of you, how much business loss he might have incurred just because of your delay and start off meekly to please unnecessarily, this is something awkward and uncalled for. This hampers your personality, your image. And this is called false guilt. Your false guilt will let others take advantage of you, period.

Talk and move on! You feel you have done something wrong, talk about it to the concerned person, settle the matter there. Don’t let it linger on your mind for long. If the other person understands your explanation no worries. But if the other person is indifferent, it isn’t your fault, mind you. Remember you can’t please everyone. Then why burden your heart with “I don’t deserve them” tag. Why can’t it be the other way round?

Always remember:

  • Be cordial but not overtly submissive, there’s a huge difference.
  • Don’t nurse ego
  • Don’t be shy to say sorry when you feel you need to, you want to
  • Relationships are important but if you can’t value yourself relationships can’t be sane and equal.
  • Watch out words and actions before they are beyond your control.

Life, experience, wisdom – A sure shot medication for your Sorry Syndrome. What say?

21 thoughts on “Are You Suffering From “I am Sorry” Syndrome?

    1. I have also experienced this “Sorry syndrome “..I know how it feels..really want to detach that quality from my personality but it will take hell lot of time as it is with me since childhood. I used to think I m d only one but it’s not like that… U have portrayed it so perfectly.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hi there, thank you for this pos. Myself I suffer from this as well, but recently I have decided to just let go if , once I have apologized and explained the reason for my short coming or doing/wrong, it has become to much or holding on this for too long, I than just try to move on. It’s quite a challenge to do so, but worth it, since I feel better, to just let go of it.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your kind reply, I appreciate it so much, because I was happy to hear from someone as you about this “THING”. As I always say ” Minds together”. Since you are such an excellent writer, let me allow to make a suggestion, writing about being “The good girl” , if this is something that applies to your life.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You have made my day😊. Will surely try to write about “being the good girl”. As a girl brought up in conservative society and being a mother of a girl growing up in a free society there’s so much to write. If you could give me a bit more insight into this, that would help me to write better. I am so happy to have read your comment, trust me😊.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh, great to hear from you, thank you. I’m too was raised in a very conservative environment, it took me years to realizes that most of my life I tried to”be the good girl”, late in my adulthood, I started to peel off myself from this habit. I guess what I mean by this term, is too please everybody anytime just for the sake to be liked and to be obedient to any thing being told to me to do, to say or act on it. A a child, a girl I rather climbed trees, than wearing white stockings and pretty dresses…..I was always told ” you are a girl and therefore never misbehave, just be a good girl”. If boys misbehave that’s okay, even they get punished, it’s still okay. ” Just look pretty all the same, than you are the good girl. As a child I quickly learned that if I am the good girl, I was loved more by my mother…… I hope this helps you bit, those little insights. And if you are not up to such post that’s totally okay, it was just a thought. Thank you for responding. Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Hi, it’s a pleasure to meet someone who took keen interest in my work and giving some useful insights and suggestions for me to work upon. I definitely want to write on this one day, may be really soon. I always look for suggestions because sometimes your own brain stops thinking beyond a point 😊. Hope to come up with something that is relatable and valid😊. Thanks again for your interest.

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  2. I, too, relate to this. I was made to feel things were my fault, and that I wasn’t worth much, as a child. I was constantly told things I did weren’t good enough. All for the best of reasons, of course. To try to make me better. But it had the result of making me think everything was my fault.
    Your post has made me realize I must get out of this “sorry” frame of mind, so here goes. New me!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, I am so happy that you were able to relate yourself to this article. And even happier that you have decided to go ahead with the changes you want to see in yourself, a new person in making. Thank you so much for stopping by.

      Like

  3. This is something which I carry, and it’s deep down rooted inside me. I assume that people will let you go after listening this magical word but the guilt will follow till the end of the day for being nasty at the same time.

    Liked by 1 person

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